Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Can't We All Just Get Along?


photo by Dean Musser Jr. / The Journal Gazette

Frank Gray is wringing his hands over more Mastadon vandalism in his column this morning.
I can’t help but wonder exactly who committed the vandalism. If they get caught, I’d like to know. I’d like to put their name in the paper, just so they get credit. I’d like to interview them and ask them exactly why they decided to smash up one of the statues, let them explain exactly what their rationale was.

Were you drunk, or just in a bad mood, or bitter about who you are? Is this something you’d planned pretty carefully so you wouldn’t get caught?

Do you like to destroy things in general, or does it just bother you to see people cooperate in projects like the parade of mastodons? What other things in the city would you like to spoil? What else does the city have that you would like to take away?

The final question would be, where are you going to get the money to replace the mastodon you smashed up? Or will you just agree to buy it when it is auctioned off, promising to be the high bidder?
We're not sure that the "have you no shame?" approach is going to prompt the culprit(s) to come clean (though wouldn't it make a great story? We'd put it above the fold!), but you never can tell about these things. Vandals are a different animal from the rest of us...

We suggest enterprising reporters stake out the Mastadons each night to catch them in the act. It will certainly be the biggest story in town, the community will love the reporter (Patty Martone will probably want to adopt them) and there might even be a national cable news network (CNN?) interested in the entire sordid saga. This could be a careermaker! Maybe even a Pulitzer! (Okay, probably not.)



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